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After I left
22 February 2010
Tomas is 19 years old. A year ago, he moved out of his children’s home. He had lived in institutions since he was a baby. This is his story:
My name’s Tomas and I am 19 years old. I am unemployed at the moment. I grew up in a children’s home. I stayed there until I was 18.
I last saw my parents when I was ten. But I don’t even know what the words “Mum” and “Dad” are. I have never called them that. I have no relationship with them.
I had been in an institution for infants before that until I was five years old. All I remember from this time are flashes. I remember the cribs. I remember that we were two kids there. I remember eating some kind of soup. That’s all.
Then I moved to another institution for infants. That was in Prague. Or was it? I don’t know. But from there I moved again.
What are my feelings about the institution? Nothing but a sort of disappointment. Because when I left I opened my eyes. I started to know. I hadn’t known what family was. I had been blind. I hadn’t seen the reality. I didn’t have a chance to see it. Nobody ever offered it to me. All they offered me was a routine. Nothing but a routine.
I guess it’s the same in any children’s home. School. Get home fast. Work. I didn’t know anything else apart from the house, the garden, the school. I didn’t have a good time like the kids today. Nothing like that.
On the other hand, I can see how I miss family. This Christmas, it was the second time I had been alone. I was walking the streets. Everything was silent. I was alone.
In the children’s home, Christmas was good. We got everything there. Food. Presents. The same on birthdays. Now, it’s nothing. In fact, it seems to me as if I had lived in a zoo and now they have released me into the jungle.
I couldn’t imagine what life would be like when I left the home. Or that I would live it somewhere by myself. I couldn’t imagine it.
I wasn’t prepared at all. I had to learn everything. I spent three months on the street. Now I am back here again. I have to recover physically before I can look for a temporary job or something. I’ve only been off the streets for a month.
It was very rough. I became more aggressive. I made my mind up about people, about friends. Nobody, basically. Well, just a very few.
And that’s my world.
